I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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