it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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