What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
