If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
