I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
