Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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