good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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