I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
false alarm, still single
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
