yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
