I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
