I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
