the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
