You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
