I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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