Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
