Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
