Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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