i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
