how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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