you would pick up someone in the library
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
