he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
