what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
