last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
