This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
