On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
