Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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