Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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