Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
