2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
