You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
