hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
