We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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