I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Boobs speak an international language.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
