i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
