I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
