Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
