I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
