I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
