His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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