Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
