Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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