how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
