We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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