I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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