I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
