Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
