and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
