My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
only you would photoshop your dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
