I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
