wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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